Today 6 years ago my Dad left this earth. He had cancer and he was 80 years young. I remember every detail of my time with him on the last three days of his life. I feel so blessed that I was able to be there with him that summer. I also spent time with my sister and brother, as we shared the pain and joy and exhaustion and frustration of caring for someone you love as they die. When I arrived at his house on Monday morning, dunkin donuts coffee in hand, he was sitting on his couch and was very glad to see me. He had the little lap blanket I had crocheted around his legs, which made me very happy. We laughed and talked away the afternoon, and he was still moving around slowly on his walker and using the bathroom-amazing! We were up and down with him on Monday night, even though we had a helper there, when you hear him, you want to check on him. From around lunchtime on Tuesday until around 4:30pm on Wednesday when he took his last breath he did not leave his bed. We were able to slip a depends on him and he never knew it, which was a big thing to me. I was worried that he would feel humiliated by the need for this, and so I was grateful that he didn't seem to notice. I spent Tuesday night in a chair next to his bed. We had asked the hospice nurse if she had a time frame for us several weeks prior and she had said that once he was unable to get up it would not be too long. I wanted him to know that we were there with him, so I said prayers, sang to him (he couldn't protest!) and told him stories. I ended up climbing onto the hospital bed and putting my head on the pillow so my mouth was near his ear and telling him all the stories I could remember about his parents, from his childhood, through his army and work life, into his marriage and our childhoods, all of our adventures living in Hong Kong and traveling the world, then on into our adult hoods, his support of our college educations, our work lives, our weddings, our homes (key loans he made us--at least me!), and finally our children and what a fantastic Grandpa he was. I reminded him of all the time, love and opportunities he gave all the kids-from trips to the Land of Make Believe all the way to England with many stops in between. Soccer games, trips to Fuddruckers and the never ending quarters he would pull out, school plays, cross country meets, choir and band concerts, baptisms,birthday parties, first communions and first staring rolls, graduations and college visits..he did them all. With his crisp khaki pants and his striped polo shirts and his shined loafers and his big smile, his pride filled smile. I know that he was able to hear me and I hope he enjoyed the recap.
Susan and I were both with him around lunchtime when his priest came, at our request, to give him last rites. We were able to hold his frail Dad hands in ours and make a circle around his bed and pray the Our Father. I was privileged, as a Eucharistic Minister, to break off a tiny piece of Holy Communion and place it in his mouth-later the Priest remarked that his last food on earth was his first food in heaven-How fantastic is that?! His lasts breath were peaceful and it just seemed amazing to me that he suddenly was gone, his soul lifted by angels away from his tired body.
His love for his kids and their husbands, wife and kids was felt, just felt deeply. And it is missed. I think about him every day, especially when we see a really cool old car driving down the road. All the kids call out "Wow, Grandpa would like that one!" It makes me happy to hear his name and know they remember him.
Thanks be to God for my wonderful father and the family he created with my Mom They gave me Donnie and Susan as sibs- a Mount Everest sized blessing in my life. And I also give thanks for the gift/opportunity of that precious last summer with my Dad.
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